English is Crazy!
by Pearl Sheetara
Summary: short side fic: Pearl Sunokit From Hatsu Urauiri has to write a 3 page essay. Its an Open subject so she writes about the english language. But the teacher gets more than he bargained for.
1. The Assignment

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own any famous Characters, but Pearl, I wouldn't even call Pearl famous. OH well!  
  
A/N:  
  
Me; Ok! My first fic! I'm soooo proud!  
  
Jin; Yea...Joy.  
  
Me; *eye Twitch *  
  
Jin; this is boring don't read it!! She's writing a-  
  
Me; don't tell!!!  
  
Jin; why?  
  
Me; -_-' on with the fic.  
  
Ch.1  
  
*~~*  
  
"Oh man!" Pearl moaned. "This is murder!"  
  
"What?" Emma asked.  
  
"My English teacher assigned us a 3 ½ page essay on anything!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Its due tomorrow and we have to write it in English." Pearl said flatly.  
  
"OH! Jeez! So..What are you going to write about?"  
  
"My life and how I died from this assignment!"  
  
Emma laughed. "No...what are you REALLY gonna write?"  
  
"I don't know." Pearl sighed.  
  
Emma looked at her watch. "Well I got to go. See ya! Good luck with the essay!" Emma ran off into the distance.  
  
"Thanks! Bye!" Pearl yelled after her.  
  
*~~~~*  
  
Pearl Groaned. "What am I gonna write?!?!?" Pearl scratched her head. Staring down at he blank sheet of paper she sighed. "MAN! English is sooo hard....WAIT!! That's it!" Pearl scribbled down a title. It read:  
THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.  
  
*~~~~*  
  
A/N: Ok it was short! I hate essays don't you? Yea. The next chapter is called The English Paper. R/R Please. This is my first fic so be gentle! ^_^ No flames please! They are welcome though.  
  
Button! Button! Button! Jin; Oh boy. -_-" 


	2. English Paper

Disclaimer: Jin; Pearl, they're waiting!  
  
Pearl; They'll have to! I'm eating!  
  
Jin; But you have to do the disclaimer!  
  
Pearl; *Talks with mouth full * Yosffsafu dadso iadddt Jissdfn!  
  
Jin; Fine! Make me do all the work! Pearl doesn't own any of the Yu Yu Hakusho characters even Though it's just her and Emma. And Emma isn't even her character so I'm the only character from the show........  
  
Pearl; *Finishes ramen * *Eye twitches*  
  
Jin; I don't even think she should have put it under Yu Yu Hak---  
  
Pearl; *Hits Jin With ramen bowl *  
  
Jin; @___@  
  
Pearl; *vane popping * Remind me not to let you do the disclaimer! EVER! On with the fic!!!!  
  
Ch.2  
  
*~~~~*  
  
"So?" Emma asked. She could hardly hold in her curiosity.  
  
Pearl looked confused. "So what?"  
  
"Did you get your essay done?" Emma said a little annoyed.  
  
They passed thought the front gates of the school, Pearl said, "Yes I did! It took me 2 hours but I did it!"  
  
"Great!! What did you write about?"  
  
"Not telling!" Pearl yelled as she raced to get to class before the first bell rang.  
  
Emma stood there a few more seconds before she raced after Pearl. "Hey! Wait up!!!"  
  
*~~~~*  
  
Mr. E.T. Was looking though the papers giving them grades. He came across an essay called THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. 'Hmm a student wrote a paper about the English language. I'm getting though to some of them at least!' He thought. He started to read the paper with interest. (A/n: I didn't make up this essay! I received it as an E-mail. ^_^")  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
The English language  
  
Reasons why the English language is hard to learn:  
  
1.) The bandage is wound around the wound.  
  
2.) The farm was used to produce produce.  
  
3.) The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.  
  
4.) We must polish the Polish furniture.  
  
5.) He could lead if he would get the lead out.  
  
6.) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.  
  
7.) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.  
  
8.) A bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.  
  
9.) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.  
  
10.) I did not object to the object.  
  
11.) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.  
  
12.) There was row among the oarsmen about how to row.  
  
13.) They were too close to the door to close it.  
  
14.) The buck does funny things when the does are present.  
  
15.) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.  
  
16.) To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.  
  
17.) The wind was to strong to wind the sail.  
  
18.) After a number of injections my jaw got number.  
  
19.) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.  
  
20.) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.  
  
21.) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?  
  
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.  
  
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.  
  
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.  
  
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?  
  
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?  
  
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?  
  
If teachers taught, why don't preachers Praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?  
  
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.  
  
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Have noses that run and feet that smell?  
  
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  
  
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. And after chopping a tree down it is customary to chop it up.  
  
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, isn't a race at all.  
  
That is why, when stars are out, they are visible, but when lights are out, they are invisible.  
  
Oh yeah... why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?  
  
Finally, the only way to stop this computer is to push the "start" button! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
"Interesting," The Mr. E.T. began thoughtfully, "Now, How should I grade this?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A/N: Soooooo..........What do ya think? Tell me what grade I should give it, cause I'm kinda stumped, and what type of reaction to the grade Pearl should have!  
I would like 10 reviews before I start writing the third chappie and 3 more before I post it! So PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next Chappie - Surprise!  
  
*Button, button, button! Jin: Press the button, and then she'll SHUT UP!! 


	3. Author ALERT!

**(A/N:** I just wanted to thank the people who read these stories and reviewed. I have had people tell me, that it was stupid to write stories like this because for one. A story on an English paper is pointless, but I thought it was funny. And poem about god is idiotic since not a lot of people believe in the same god that I do. But I received this stuff through e-mail and wanted. And I wanted to share it with a lot of people. I combined the need to write a story with the e-mails and poof! You have English is Crazy and Unexpected. I just wanted to thank you for the reviews and I hope you like my later installments! Sincerely: Pearl Sunokit)


End file.
